Blah Blah Blues

Never fails each week we get in and the woes start. I starting to think it is a personal attack. I am thinking I am weak and all my talk means nothing when I cant live up to what I say and what my heart feels. I start to think I am not trying hard enough. I just cant shake the blues for longer then a few days.
At what point do you start to think that all that you are trying, praying, and working towards is in the end not meant to be? I feel like for weeks on weeks I am searching for something I am not going to find. Or maybe that is it. Maybe I am trying too hard.
Im confused
Im a little lost
Im a worrier by nature and how I wished I could release that trait from my being.
But, like always I am feeling left alone to worry. Last night I came home and the mailbox was full of past due notices, disconnect notices, and collection letters.
All piled up in a nice stack on the table. I opened them one by one and just ent cold. I looked toward my husband and thought why for once can he not take this feeling of worry unto himself? Then in that moment I asked him. "How can all this not bother or worry you?" Like Im used to I got no answer. So of coarse that sent me into upset. Feeling alone once again to worry.
I tried to let the feeling go but, it didnt fade. We layed to rest for the evening me with worry and him in silence.
Its tearing at me still. I know worry does nothing but, also doing nothing isnt good.
We cant keep on like this. I cant keep worrying and he cant keep ignoring and giving this impression of it will fix itself.

<<< sign >>>


Trying to move past my current feeling and turn this day around to something better.

Today I am thankful for our home. Small, Old, and behind on payments it is still for the moment ours. It protects us from the outside, warm on cold days and cool on hot days. It provides a little bit of normal to our Choas day in and day out.